Below is a collection of sentences culled from my own and other people's writing. Some of them have a single stylistic imperfection. Some have several. How would you edit each one? If you want to see how I would, click on the sentence. If you see a (?) it means I'm not sure I got the spirit of the original right. In some cases, there may be better alternatives to the one I'm offering. Your guiding principle is always the fewest words necessary. If you want to challenge yourself, see how quickly you can edit 10 randomly selected.

The point at which a loop defined by $i = 0; while $i < 100, do X will stop.

Revised: The stopping point of a loop defined by $i = 0; while $i < 100, do X .
It is important that we first identify just what interest is and why it’s even worth mentioning when in conversation regarding education and learning.

Revised: But what is "interest" and what does it have to do with learning?
We need to make a change in the way we handle new technology when we make a decision of its incorporation.

Revised: We need to change the way we choose technological solutions. (?)
In February of 2017, Ben Shapiro, an alt-right speaker and writer, desired to speak at UC Berkeley about the dangers of immigrants and Democratic public policy to white citizens of the United States

Revised: In February of 2017, alt-right speaker and writing Ben Shapiro tried to speak at U.C. Berkeley about how Democratic immigration policy endangers white Americans.
The fans continued to give their support toward Chris.

Revised: The fans continued to support Chris.
The cosmopolitan ideal of education aims at the transformation of individuals to become world citizens who serve and work in nation(s) other than their own nation states.

Revised: The cosmopolitan ideal of education would transform individuals into world citizens who serve and work in nation(s) other than their own.
My first kiss will always be recalled by me as how my romance with Shayna was begun.

Revised: Oh, man—who farted, right? -- Stephen King
Textual, visual, and other multi-media and multi-layered representations has already become a challenge to the postmodern and post industrial societies.

Revised: Textual, visual, and other multi-media and multi-layered representations have challenged postmodern and post industrial societies.
A group of marine researchers working off the coast of Costa Rica meet an olive ridley sea turtle who seems to be in distress.

Revised: A group of marine researchers working off the coast of Costa Rica encounter a distressed sea turtle.
When I write, which is hardly ever, I write with the intent of reaching young teens and parents of young teens.

Revised: When I write, which is hardly ever, I write to teens and their parents.
At Burning Man and Coachella, girls can be seen dressed in very little clothing while sporting a full tribal chief headdress and marked faces

Revised: White girls wearing little but a tribal chief headdress and face paint are all over Burning Man and Coachella.
First, as mentioned above, every University has only a set amount of resources.

Revised: Universities have limited resources.
Since 1790, White has been the continuous definition of race for people with European decent.

Revised: Since 1790, "white" has defined people of European decent.
A great deal of what we believe is the direct result of our having heard it said emphatically or frequently.

Revised: We tend to believe what we've frequently heard, especially if it's being shouted at us.
Our water supply is also tainted by littered plastic.

Revised: Our water supply is tainted by plastic.
Effective speakers offer evidence to support the promises and assertions being made.

Revised: Effective speakers support their promises and assertions with evidence.
I currently do not have any questions for you.

Revised: I have no questions for you.
Your job is to help undifferentiated users accommodate the workflow assumptions of the software.

Revised: Your job is to help undifferentiated users accommodate the software's workflow assumptions.
Though some still see the prison system as an adequate rehabilitation process, many believe that reformation requires a second chance

Revised: Although some people think the current prison system rehabilitates prisoners, others think rehabilitation will require prison reform.
Some ideas need to rise to the surface and take time to do so.

Revised: Some ideas surface slowly.
A team of scientists analyzed the data in the lab before they wrote their report.

Revised: omit?
This journey of archaeology on knowledge transcends and goes beyond chronological research on language, speech act, and knowledge within one culture.

Revised: This archaeology of knowledge transcends chronological research on language, speech act, and knowledge within one culture.
There are several different benefits of receiving a degree in liberal arts,

Revised: A liberal arts degree confers several benefits.
Legal action initiated by the city of Atlanta earlier this year against companies which manufacture firearms is an important step.

Revised: The City of Atlanta took an important first step when it sued firearms manufacture.
It will be too arbitrary to put Emoji either in the category of directness or indirectness because its role in constructing persuasion is highly context-dependent.

Revised: Attributing emoji to either directness or indirectness is impossible because their use is too context-dependent.
Plenty of research work has already been carried out in the field of Automatic Image Annotation (AIA),

Revised: Plenty of research has already been carried out in the field of Automatic Image Annotation (AIA),
We bought a few groceries and while on our way out from the store, I noticed a wallet on the floor near the exit.

Revised: We were leaving the store when I saw a wallet on the ground.
But I think that the fact that there is no longer any way to disengage, unless one gives up the "phone" entirely, renders most of us indifferent.

Revised: But I think that because we can no longer disengage without entirely giving up our phone, most of us are simply indifferent to our loss of privacy.
Sometimes the problem and the solution are clear, but the prospects aren't receptive and thus most of your work is on understanding who you are trying to sell the solution to, how they perceive the problem, and how you can describe problem and solution so that they get it.

Revised: Sometimes the problem and the solution are clear, but the prospects aren't receptive, in which case you have to focus on understanding your prospective clients, how they perceive the problem and the available solutions so that they understand what you are offering.
However, the problem arises that many minority groups in Atlanta, especially African Americans and women, are highly underrepresented as dominant ideologies continue to maintain the power within that industry.

Revised: African Americans and women of all ethnic groups are under represented in the media industry.
One of the most vivid effects of digital media on digital writing is caused by how digital writing gets paid.

Revised: One of digital writing's most common features is caused by how digital writing gets paid.
For people who are either just learning about music or have been working with it throughout their life, there is plenty of information that has yet to be given, such as who made the song and what instruments were used to make it.

Revised: For both novice and life-long musicians, there is far more to know about a song than just the title and who played it. One might want to know the producer and the instruments, for example.
The group shows a more preferred tendency to use the "requesting" strategy.

Revised: The group prefers the "requesting" strategy. (? This might sound less like a scientific observation and more like a value judgement because it is asserted rather than reported or observed.)
Are you done with the assignment yet?

Revised: Have you finished the assignment?
You may have heard the horror stories of being a law student that requires years of school, countless hours of studying, and the lack of good sleep for months at a time.

Revised: You've heard the law student horror stories: years in school, countless hours of study, weeks without sleep.
In common HIV tests (such as the Rapid HIV Test), it can take up to 3 months after exposure for the results to be accurate.

Revised: HIV tests like the "Rapid HIV Test" might require as much as three months from exposure to provide accurate results.
There is a great fear among American retailers as the holidays near.

Revised: American retailers fear poor holiday sales.
This opportunity to develop relationships - and not just provide a mere distribution of services - had a profound effect.

Revised: This opportunity to develop relationships - and not just distribute services - had a profound effect.
Currently many students that are enroll at georgia state university face the problem with the communication with the school.

Revised: Many Georgia State University students have problems communicating with the school's administration.
Unfortunately, this issue has been intertwined with racism and classism to an extent beyond acceptability.

Revised: Racism and classicism further complicate prisoner rights in America.
For instance, when someone has been making decisions in the past based on impulse, they are not addressing their emotions or the other person's emotions

Revised: For instance, impulsive decision-making ignores other people's feelings. (?)
Criminalization describes the process from which behaviors and people are transformed into crimes and criminals.

Revised: Criminalization turns normal behavior and people into crimes and criminals.
Michael Brown's death resulted in the "Battle of Ferguson" which were riots and protests for the unjustly killing carried out by a white police officer named Darren Wilson on August 9, 2014.

Revised: When police officer Daren Wilson killed Michael Brown on August 9, 2014, a riot dubbed "The Battle of Ferguson" broke out.
Sometimes we as people can get so caught up with trying to be all things to all people, when trying to write for everyone will dilute your writing style and can cause a person to get distracted on what the core message is.

Revised: When I writer tries to be "all things to all people" they lose their core message.
This strategy is discussed in Beamer (2003)'s paper that studies the indirectness in Chinese business correspondence.

Revised: Beamer (2003) discuses indirectness strategies in Chinese business correspondence.
Eye disease is progressive, and earlier treatment can be significant in quality of life.

Revised: Because eye disease is progressive, early detection can significantly enhance quality of life.
I will provide a detailed explanation of data collection.

Revised: I will explain the data collection method in detail.
The production of a mathematical formula by mathematics and physics experts has explained the modern phenomena of network science.

Revised: Network science is based on mathematics. (?)
Writers and speakers of all kinds have since the advent of writing kept notebooks in which they recorded quotations and observations they thought they might want to either emulate or quote verbatim.

Revised: Writers have always kept notebooks in which they recorded quotations and observations they thought they might want to either emulate or quote verbatim sometime in the future.
To seek an explanation to the seemingly association between anonymity and users' rhetorical pattern, especially with regards to the irrationality and unethical speech in the postings, I want to apply de-individuation theory

Revised: I think de-individuation theory explains the association between anonymity and rhetorical patterns, especially regarding irrational and unethical posts.
Favorable attention is often given in their design of parts for missiles to the development of titanium because there is a high strength in the material in relation to its weight.

Revised: Titanium's high strength to weight ratio makes it ideal for missiles.
He also played wrestling in high school and ended up spraining every muscle and he broke his nose as well

Revised: He was on the wrestling team in high school. He sprained every muscle and broke his nose.
I want to be a lawyer because I have always had a passion for debating and arguing my point of views.

Revised: I want to be a lawyer because I have always had a passion for debate.
Lab HIV testing can take 2 weeks to obtain results, but can produce accurate results within 2 weeks after possible exposure

Revised: Lab HIV tests provide results in two weeks and are accurate up to two weeks after possible exposure.
Lachney (2017) backs up Scott, Sheridan, and Clark (2015) but places more emphasis on interaction with the community.

Revised: Lachney (2017) backs up Scott, Sheridan, and Clark (2015) but emphasize community interaction.
When it comes to film that is not his preferred medium, as while watching a move and dedicating yourself to it one could be working on an expression or a new technique.

Revised: He doesn't like movies because he'd rather be working on his own creations.
The reason people of this caliber are hard to be around is because when trying to have conversation, it can come off as if you’re better than the people around which is very demeaning and condescending.

Revised: Arrogant people are condescending and demeaning and therefore no one want to hang out with them.
Chinese writers do not follow the circular structure in organization when they write in English

Revised: Chinese writers do not follow the circular organizational structure when they write in English.
The indication of the results was that pH controlled the rate.

Revised: The results indicated that pH controls the rate.
With 250 million guns on the streets, which equals to approximately one per citizen, one can only argue ...

Revised: With 250 million guns on the streets, approximately one per citizen, one can only argue ....
As much as technology use in the classroom is looked at as beneficial and good, there are multiple reasons as to why technology can actually be harmful.

Revised: Although technology can be beneficial, it can also be detrimental.
People should give law enforcement their full support.

Revised: People should fully support law enforcement.
Finally, in 1849, in a state of depression and drinking steadily, Poe was found delirious in Baltimore on October 3.

Revised: Poe was found in Baltimore on October 3, 1849, depressed, delirious, and drunk.
When it comes to persuasion, I believe that it is as equally important for a rhetor to have a firm grasp on not only the information they are sharing but the audience they are speaking with as well.

Revised: When it comes to persuasion, I believe that the audience and the subject matter equally.
Our intention is to perform an audit of the records of the program.

Revised: We will audit the program's records.
The North Korea regime has shown itself to be aggressive at both home and abroad.

Revised: The North Korea regime is nationally and internationally aggressive.
When the process of freeing a vehicle that has been stuck results in ruts or holes, the operator will fill the rut or hole created by such activity before removing the vehicle from the immediate area.

Revised: If you make a hole while freeing a stuck vehicle, you must fill the hole before you drive away.

If you make a hole while freeing a stuck vehicle, fill it before you leave.
having to provide all your contact information when buying something with a credit card online.

Revised: having to enter all your contact information when buying something with a credit card online.
In a survey conducted by the Pew Research Center, they report that roughly 72% of the people surveyed worry about a future where robots can do human jobs, and most would not use automation technologies if given the chance

Revised: According to the Pew Research Center, roughly 72% of those surveyed worry that robots will replace people in the workforce and most would resist automation if they can.
While not yet coined as a term until later by Alice Walker in 1982, its actions were practiced by slave owners who allowed lighter skinned slaves to be housemaids or on house duty labor, and keeping the 'darker' black people in the fields (Bridges).

Revised: Alice Walker coined the term colorism in 1982 to refer to the pre-civil war era practice of employing light-skinned slaves indoors and dark-skinned slaves doors.
A child needs to grow up in an environment to be able to differentiate right from wrong, but at a young age that knowledge can be lost to them.

Revised: Children need to be taught right from wrong, but the world they grow up in might not teach them. (?)
An analysis of main effect and interaction was conducted.

Revised: The drug's main and secondary effects were analyzed.
American women should be encouraged to increase the delay in having children

Revised: Americans should delay having children (?)
Health care is of concern to all of us.

Revised: Health care concerns us all.
The problem is that most Americans are not educated consumers

Revised: Americans are uneducated consumers, for the most part.
The committee has every expectation that it will reach a decision for the purpose of reaching a conclusion about that issue before the deadline.

Revised: The committee plans to decide before the deadline.
This problem is created by the inability for students to have a forum where they can search for and find cheaper and up to date textbooks.

Revised: Students need a place to buy textbooks for less.
When discussing the North Korea regime there is no question that the government is volatile and a threat to its people

Revised: The volatile North Korea regime threatens its people.
In the dialogue between Socrates and Gorgias, respect for one another is always there.

Revised: Plato demonstrates that Socrates and Gorgias respected each other.
I'm coming from a place of curiosity about the reasons people thru-hike in general, and what needs or exigencies long trails such as the PCT may be meeting.

Revised: I wonder what motivates people to thru-hike in general and if those hiking the Pacific Coast Trail are perhaps differently motivated.
Advancements in computerization have been ever evolving since the early 1970's, eliminating the need for as many human workers.

Revised: Computerization has been reducing the need for workers since the 1970's.
It also can't be overstated the precision of this weaponry,

Revised: These weapons are precise.
The group's failure was the result of the way the chairman decided to submit his resignation.

Revised: The group failed because the chairman resigned the way he did.
The major difference of cosmopolitanism from other theories is that it searches for ethical standard, universal equality and fraternity, and world peace.

Revised: Cosmopolitanism significantly differs from other theories in that it searches for ethical standards, universal equality and fraternity, and world peace.
There is disagreement as to if the United States should actively seek military conflict and regime change in North Korea.

Revised: People disagree about whether or not the US should should invade North Korea.
A simple solution to this problem is to create a separate area for people with service animals; similar to the non-smoking sections vs smoking sections that restaurants use to have.

Revised: A simple solution to this problem is to create a separate area for people with service animals, similar to the non-smoking sections vs smoking sections that restaurants use to have.
There are no federal laws about euthanasia or physician-assisted suicide.

Revised: Currently no federal laws about euthanasia or physician-assisted suicide exist.
Salt is essential for life, and in excess can kill.

Revised: Salt is essential for life but lethal in excess.
As the title suggests, this book is designed to aid graduate students in the preparation and writing of research proposals.

Revised: As the title suggests, this book helps graduate students write research proposals.
As humans we realize that when we share ideas or beliefs it brings us together socially.

Revised: Sharing ideas brings people together.
Societies are created by shared beliefs. (?)
Before we start a study, it is of fundamental importance to give the research object a clear and operational definition

Revised: Before we start a study, we must operationally define the research object.
The liberal arts, with another commonly used term by multiple academics, universities, and practitioners being the humanities, is a set of fields that differentiates itself from the sciences and other technical fields such as mathematics and engineering.

Revised: The liberal arts, also sometimes refered to as the humanities, are seen as contrasting with science, math, and engineering.
Public attention has been called towards the protests that get violent or get denied.

Revised: Violent protests attract public attention.
There is a need for further study of this program.

Revised: We need to study this program further.
The portable HIV tester acts like a blood-sugar tester in its ability to produce results in under a minute, unlike lab tests, while being rechargeable and reusable.

Revised: Like a blood-sugar tester, the HIV tester produces results in under a minute, far faster than lab tests. It is also reusable and rechargeable.
in a short amount of time

Revised: quickly
In regards to legality it [vague pronoun reference] varies from state to state.

Revised: Euthanasia is legal in some states and not in others.
If there are any points on which you require explanation or further particulars we shall be glad to furnish such additional details as may be required by telephone.

Revised: If you have questions, please phone.
The fact is that data analysis must be done immediately subsequent to its collection.

Revised: Data analysis must follow data collection immediately.
The analysis of an audience can happen before a presentation begins or during a presentation.

Revised: Audience analysis can happen before or during a presentation.
The least number of words necessary.

Revised: The fewest words necessary.
There is a need of English majors.

Revised: English majors are needed.
Cognitive biases are regularly a result of a person's brain's attempt to streamline information processing.

Revised: Cognitive biases streamline thinking.
Automation also proves itself useful in other industries such as the medical industry.

Revised: Automation is also useful in other industries, like medicine, for example.
I chose to include the pictures that I selected because ...

Revised: I selected these pictures because...
The Chinese government has long been speculated of imposing extensive controls over social media

Revised: The Chinese government has long been suspected of controlling social media.
Most people enjoy the information gathering process, especially if they are interested in the subject and don't yet have any fixed ideas about it.

Revised: Most people enjoy gathering information, especially if they subject interests them, and they don't yet have any fixed ideas about it.
Criticizing is a commonly used strategy that is especially favored by social media users while commenting on breaking news and controversial accident.

Revised: Social media users are especially fond of criticizing news and controversies.
Usability testing is a way to avoid user errors in advance.

Revised: Usability testing can prevent user errors.
She hasn't always been the rebellious soul that she is now.

Revised: She hasn't always rebelled.
There was considerable erosion of the land of the farmers in the locale from the floods.

Revised: The farmlands on the flood plane were considerably eroded. (?)
Made up of primarily African Americans, these everyday (and sometimes celebrity) people highlight societal issues in efforts to inform and educate others while providing opinions on the basis of factual evidence.

Revised: Primarily made up of African Americans, these everyday (and sometimes celebrity) people use facts to highlight societal issues and educate people on Twitter.
I only came across two references.

Revised: I came across (found) only two references.
Establishing a general ability and aptitude creates engagement within an audience.

Revised: Audiences listen to people who seem to know what they are talking about.
Non-smoking patrons are currently being forced to be victims of second hand smoke.

Revised: Non-smoking patrons are currently victims of second hand smoke.
Someone with a good character can be found always being time, being prepared for any situation, and being consistent.

Revised: Someone with a good character is always on, prepared for anything, and consistent. [conscientious?]
The recipient of the proposal has a problem and the company sending the proposal can solve that problem.

Revised: The proposal recipient has a problem the proposer can solve.
The three that I will cover with details and examples are search satisfaction bias, confirmation bias, and sunk-cost bias, because by being informed and avoidant of these three, I believe that every college student can positively impact their research papers.

Revised: The three biases I will write about are search satisfactdion, confirmation, and sunk-cost because avoiding these will benefit every college student more than any of the other biases.
After speaking with her I have a better understanding as to why they do a lottery system for distributing passes.

Revised: She explained why passes are distributed by lottery.
They are certainly not all mirrors of each other, and there is no unifying curriculum that unites them.

Revised: They do not mirror each other and there is no unifying curriculum.
There are a number of different ways to gather data.

Revised: Data can be gathered in different ways.
The durability of the plastic straw grew in popularity and by the mid-1970s, plastic straws had officially replaced the paper ones.

Revised: The durability of plastic straws made them so popular that by the mid-1970's they had replaced paper ones.
Trout are a great eating fish.

Revised: Trout are tasty.
There are numerous accounts of African-American people who have been told their hair, in its natural state, is unprofessional or not attractive.

Revised: African-Americans are constantly being told their hair's natural state is unprofessional or unattractive.
Just recently, there has been a shift in some law schools that have recently announced that they will not require students to take the LSAT.

Revised: Recently, some law schools have announced they will no longer require the LSAT.
I say yes to people because I am too afraid to say no due to saving the other person’s feelings of being upset.

Revised: I say yes because I don't want to upset people.
There is to an extent when charming is manipulative.

Revised: Charm can manipulate.
There is a Pizza Hut that attracts all the teenagers in town on Saturday nights.

Revised: The teenagers hang out at the Pizza Hut every Saturday night. OR The Pizza Hut attracts teenagers like flies on Saturday night.
Since cell phone key boards now have all characters, using txt speak is just a way to signify your digital hipness, evidence which kind of disproves the intended point.

Revised: Since cell phone key boards now have all characters, using txt speak is just a counter productive way to signify your digital hipness.
While Shazam can tell you what song you are listening to, it still has limits in the information it gives a user about a song.

Revised: Shazam's information about the song you are listening to is limited to the name and band.
Technically it is an act of manipulation.

Revised: Technically this is manipulative.
Many people who are overconfident tend to have less friends due to being a little a less fun to be around.

Revised: Overconfident people tend to have fewer friends because they are no fun to be with.
For this reason, I want to propose an industry case study that demonstrates a detailed examination of the film economy in regards to under-representation.

Revised: For this reason, I propose to examine under-representation in the film industry.
When I make decisions based off my own emotions, the decisions are usually made very quickly without deep thought.

Revised: When I make emotional decisions, I don't take time to think.
There is a presidential appeal being made to the American people for the conservation of gasoline.

Revised: The President asks Americans to conserve gasoline.
In the field of comparative rhetoric, previous studies suggest that a notable disparity between Eastern and Western rhetoric is the different preferences for rhetorical strategies.

Revised: In the field of comparative rhetoric, previous studies suggest that Eastern and Western rhetoric prefer different rhetorical strategies.
Did you eat eggs for breakfast this morning?

Revised: Did you eat eggs this morning?
The place of memory in contemporary rhetoric is an interesting thing to ponder.

Revised: Memory has a interesting place in contemporary rhetoric.
A concern with material conditions to the exclusion of the self-actualizing effects of a quality liberal-arts education is misguided in the extreme.

Revised: A liberal arts education that focused on material conditions to the exclusion of the self-actualization would be extremely misguided.
By conducting this kind of study, it will be possible to get a more complete understanding of how and why Protagoras and Plato were in conflict with each other on the one hand, and how both were in conflict with the Athenian city-state on the other.

Revised: Such a study will complete our understanding of how and why Protagoras and Plato were in conflict with each other on the one hand, and how both were in conflict with the Athenian city-state on the other.
The more choices there are available to us, the more overwhelmed we get and the harder it becomes for us to make a decision.

Revised: The more options we have, the harder it is to choose.
There are arguments based on rights being that people have the explicit right to die.

Revised: People have the right to die.
Although Kaplan describes Chinese L2 writers' pattern of thoughts as a circular one, it does not mean that Chinese writing lacks logic.

Revised: Kaplan's description of Chinese L2 writers' patterns of thought as circular does not indicate that Chinese writing lack logic.
Many Americans do not cook regularly and do not think about exercise because they hate it.

Revised: Most American's cook infrequently and hate exercising.
As I continue to learn how to be a more emotionally intelligent individual...

Revised: As I develop my emotional intelligence...
Each one of these tests are helpful in that they produce the results that people are looking for and have different alternatives for those who can't afford or find other methods of testing.

Revised: These tests produce the desired results and offer a choice of methods and costs.
As far as research method is concerned, Thatcher uses etics and emics as a basis for intercultural inquiry,

Revised: Thatcher bases his intercultural inquiry on the research methods of etics and emics.
Elvis received monetary earnings from someone else's work.

Revised: Elvis profited from someone else's work.
If you've ever seen a lawyer in person or on tv, a few characteristics that may stand out to you about them are their excellent charismatic skills, charm, and ability to analyze various parts of a case well

Revised: Lawyers are charismatic, charming, and keenly analytical.
Pharmacies of the early 1900s, for example, with soda fountains begin providing straws in self-serve containers to customers to help avoid mouthfuls of foam from their sodas.

Revised: Straws were introduced to the public by pharmacies in the 1900's as a way to help their customers avoid the foam created by soda fountains.
Allowing people to choose death is also more practical in regard to finances and resources

Revised: Allowing people to choose a quick death is more financially practical than making them slowly, painfully, inevitably die.
The two most significant questions that need an answer are the following:

Revised: The two most significant questions are:
Moving away from home is an instance where these emotions are sparked.

Revised: Leaching home for the first time is exciting and frightening.
The appearance of the candidate before the board was on June 30th.

Revised: The candidate appeared before the board on June 30th.
The students become too adapted to their technology-based education to the point where they begin to lack interactive skills with either their peers or teachers.

Revised: Students become so accustomed to interacting with their screens they forget how to interact with people.
By conducting this kind of study, it will be possible to get a more complete understanding of how and why Protagoras and Plato were in conflict with each other on the one hand, and how both were in conflict with the Athenian city-state on the other.

Revised: Such a study will complete our understanding of how and why Protagoras and Plato were in conflict with each other on the one hand, and how both were in conflict with the Athenian city-state on the other.
If you want to challenge yourself, pick 10 randomly and time how long revising takes you.

Revised: If you want a challenge, see how quickly you can revise 10 randomly selected.
The role of a liberal arts education within the digital world is surrounded by much controversy.

Revised: The relevance of the liberal arts for the digital world is disputed.
Having patience is needed because if are not t willing to listen to every detail that your opponent is sharing, the you are not really being a participant in the conversation.

Revised: If you don't listen closely to what your opponent says, you are not truly participating in the conversation.
Smoking bans are of no threat to restaurant owners.

Revised: Smoking bans do not threaten restaurant owners.
Receiving a college education already costs a lot, and adding on the hassle of finding the proper book with the correct ISBN and trying to find one note on sale for an exorbitant price, is enough to send a student into a full blown tailspin.

Revised: College is expensive. Add the cost of full price textbooks and the cost of college becomes overwhelming.
As mentioned before, I am a previous nursing major, and I do not have much background in English other than my general affinity for communication through writing.

Revised: Because I was a nursing major, I have no background in English, only an affinity for writing and speaking.
Callicles entered into a dialogue with Socrates for the sole purpose of trying to win against Socrates.

Revised: From the beginning, Callicles' sole purpose was to beat Socrates.
Yet another reason why technology integration in education may not be helpful is that access to the Internet is not available to everyone

Revised: Moreover, Internet access ins't equally available to everyone.
Survivors, friends, and complete strangers gathered on that day to voice their concern and protest against gun violence as a result of the last mass shooting that occurred in Parkland, Florida

Revised: Survivors, friends, and strangers gathered to protest against gun violence as a result of the Parkland, Florida mass shooting.
We had a discussion concerning a tax cut.

Revised: We discussed a tax cut.
Pseudo problems are those that are thought to exist but don't.

Revised: Pseudo problems are thought into existence.
Currently cheerleading is one of the activities that consumes my life the most.

Revised: Cheerleading consumes me.
The explanation as to why these horrific tragedies keep occuring are due to bias, stereotypes and prejudices of African Americans.

Revised: These tragedies keep happening because of prejudicial stereotypes about African Americans.
It would be more preferred to have a bottle of water rather than a bottle of beer.

Revised: Water is preferable to beer.
The current minimum wage is not feasible in supporting a single person living alone in America, much less an entire family of 3 or 4.

Revised: The current minimum wage can't support a single person, much less a family.
They all do have a degree of emphasis towards writing skills education.

Revised: The all focus on writing to some extent.
Feeling angry can diminish my capacity to argue and persuade dramatically, even ending conversations in an instant.

Revised: Anger dramatically diminishes my my capacity to argue. Or maybe, Anger shuts me down.
The goal of euthanasia proponents is to increase options of end-of-life care.

Revised: Euthanasia proponents want to increase end-of-life care options.
Religion should not be able to be used as an excuse not to vaccinate a child who is being sent to public school

Revised: Parents who refuse to vaccinate their public school children shouldn't use religion as an excuse.
The Kelvingrove Museum in Glasgow Scotland is an eclectic mix of different galleries.

Revised: The Kelvingrove Museum in Glasgow Scotland has an eclectic mix of galleries.
We performed a review of the relevant regulations.

Revised: We reviewed the regulations.
As a Weibo user myself, I constantly feel the divergence of rhetorical patterns demonstrated on social media and cannot help thinking about the influence social media has brought to Chinese rhetoric, especially online communication we encounter on a daily basis.

Revised: As a Weibo user myself, I constantly feel the divergence of rhetorical patterns demonstrated on social media and cannot help thinking about how social media has influenced Chinese rhetoric, especially daily online communication.
People want to take notes without being hindered in anyway.

Revised: People want to take notes unhindered.
People who uses contact lenses and can't keep up with changing them end up getting their eye infected.

Revised: People who don't keep their contact lenses clean end up with eye infections.
I want to evolve my writing so that it can speak for the person that I am.

Revised: I want my writing to speak for me. (?)
In a restaurant, especially small ones, sanitary issues and the comfortability of other customers can become an issue when there is an animal present.

Revised: Some restaurant goers are put off by the presence of a guide dog or personal support animal.
In their plans for houses, there are brick walls that are often reinforced with stainless steel by architects because of stainless steel's resistance to the effects of the weather.

Revised: Architects often choose to reinforce brick with stainless steel because it resists coorosion.
Ethos is a very important factor in regards to persuasion.

Revised: Ethos is critical to persuasion.
He is of Christian faith, but is non-denominational

Revised: He is a non-denominational Christian.
Audience is the driving motivation of writing.

Revised: I write for an audience.
Another reason to shoot is if the suspect is getting away and the officer believes they will be a danger to others.

Revised: A police officer is justified in shooting a fleeing suspect if he or she believes the suspect is dangerous.
No remodeling of any resturants are needed, just informing the staff to sit people with service animals in a certain area of the restaurant.

Revised: Restaurants wouldn't need to be remodeled. You could simply tell staff to sit people with service animals in the same place in the restaurant.
Let's say you know from tracking credit card purchases that the people who bought 5 specific items, purchased item X next 90% of the time.

Revised: Let's say you know from tracking credit card purchases that 90% of people who bought 5 specific items, purchased item X next.
The indication of the business report that sales figures are down 10% on last month is worrying.

Revised: The 10% drop in sales is worrisome.
You're giving me temptation.

Revised: You're tempting me.
The second amendment has been under a lot of scrutiny in the past few years due to the rise of mass murders that have occurred.

Revised: The recent rise in mass shootings has led more people to scrutinize the second amendment.
Since I know that it sometimes can help a person feel more open to approach you when you look nice, I dress depending on the occasion accordingly.

Revised: I dress according to the occasion to make myself and others feel comfortable.
It is necessary for presidential candidates to give a good performance on television.

Revised: Presidential candidates need to perform well on television.
A conclusion was reached that pH determined the rate.

Revised: [passive voice is expected in the materials and methods section] Analysis indicated pH determined the rate.
It is my belief that this product will work due to the technology already existing, and so no new R&D needs to be undertaken.

Revised: The technology already exists.
Thus, rendering the conversation as ended.

Revised: Thus, the conversation ended.
Quantitative research is research that produces data in the form of numbers.

Revised: Quantitative research produces numerical data.
From then on, skiing became an addiction to Spalding Gray.

Revised: Spalding Grey was addicted to skiing from then on.
One of the main arguments against the disenfranchisement of felons stems from a moral disapproval of any form of disenfranchisement

Revised: Disenfranchisement is immoral.
These examples will primarily be examples that are able to [will] directly support the main argument.

Revised: These examples will directly support the main argument.
It is believed by the researchers who provided the video of the now infamous sea turtle that he involuntarily ate the straw when it was likely camouflaged among a seabed buffet of crustaceans

Revised: The researchers who made the now infamous video believe that turtle inadvertently ate the straw while foraging for crustaceans.
There are many people who fear success because these are people who believe they do not deserve it.

Revised: Many people fear success because they believe they do not deserve it. (?)
Sea animals consumed by humans are likely to ingest said littered plastic, thereby ensuring that humans also end up eating plastic by means of the food chain.

Revised: Fish eat the plastic we throw in the ocean and then we eat it when we eat fish.
It has been proven that the average score on the LSAT among all U.S. schools approved by the American Bar Association has remained stable, according to the Law School Admission Council

Revised: According to the American Bar Association, the average scores on the LSAT have remained the same over time.
The reasoning behind this is because ...

Revised: Because...
For example, if having recently been in a car accident in which an individual passed away, one may begin to believe driving is quite dangerous due to the perceived proclivity to be involved in car accidents, even if the individual in question is a safe, cognizant driver.

Revised: Witnessing a fatal car accident will frighten even a cautious driver with a safe driving record. (?)
The results indicate our model to be better, compared to the normal encoder-decoder architectures.

Revised: The results indicate our model is better than the normal encoder-decoder architectures.
Statistics is a very involved class that requires a lot of time. Students are always studying for statistics.

Revised: Passing statistics requires at least 3 hours of study every week.
Thoroughly do your research on the subject.

Revised: Research your subject thoroughly.
Because the air is so badly polluted and treacherous everyone who lives here will be given a significantly low property value, due to the pollution.

Revised: The property values here are significantly lower than they would be if there were no hog farm in the vicinity.
The overall goal is to peruse the truth through analysis in regard to the subject at hand.

Revised: The goal is truth through analysis. (?)
Diversity and Inclusion modules will not only label the company as one dedicated to equality but it will promote a culture of inclusion and educate employees on ways to be more diverse in their practices.

Revised: By providing diversity and inclusion modules, a company will not only announce its commitment to equality but demonstrate that commitment by educating its employees.
As an editor of my own paper, it was difficult to be completely objective instead of succumbing to what I already thought about the quality and content of the paper.

Revised: I found it difficult to read my own writing objectively. (?)
Persuasion is generally inclusive of three concepts: pathos, ethos, and logos.

Revised: Persuasion uses three forms of proof: ethos, pathos, and logos
Ecosystem destabilization can be the consequence of invasion.

Revised: A single invasive species can destabilize an entire ecosystems. OR Invasive species destabilize ecosystems.
I am blinded from seeing the whole picture by my emotions in the moment

Revised: Emotions blind me.
The fieldnotes received the focus in this report with the reflections adding additional information on occasion.

Revised: This report focuses on Fieldnotes but mentions Reflections occasionally.
Something that every student has to do at least once a week is dedicating a day to do their laundry

Revised: Students should launder their clothes weekly.
Generally speaking, does a preference for directness or indirectness exist in Weibo postings?

Revised: Generally speaking, does Weibo prefer direct or indirect postings? (The sentence is shorter in active voice, but also misleading in that it extends agency to an object, in this case a social network.)
The new Mercedes S class is a wonder of technology.

Revised: The new Mercedes S class is technologically wonderful.

. . . is wondrously technological

. . . has wonderful technology.
Just about every customer seems to encounter the same issues when waiting in a long checkout line.

Revised: Long checkout lines are everywhere and each on is a miserable experience.
Sleeping on it really does help.

Revised: Sleeping on it helps.
Our expectation was to establish new tolerance levels in people.

Revised: We expected to make people more tolerant.
In truth there's little difference between business writing and most other forms of transactional writing.

Revised: Business writing differs little from all other forms of transactional writing.
There will come a time when you will need to close your archive.

Revised: Eventually you will need to close your archive.
It is my belief that there should be consultation by the administrators with the student body before changes in rules are made.

Revised: The administrators should consult the students before they change the rules.
The media industries in Atlanta have been on a significant rise within the last couple years with a 9.5 billion dollar economic impact of the film industry alone in 2017.

Revised: Media industries contributed 9.5 billion dollars to the GA economy in 2017.
Nowadays, the rule of phones not allowed in classrooms does not apply anymore.

Revised: Phones are no longer prohibited in classrooms.
In some cases, the teachers would involve the parents or guardians of the cheating students and inform them.

Revised: In some cases, teachers might need to tell the parents that their child is cheating.
Biases influence the way someone may interpret a situation.

Revised: Biases can lead to misunderstandings and misinterpretations.
The purpose of this job is to provide academic assistance to students enrolled in especially challenging courses that have historically high withdrawal/failure/drop rates.

Revised: This job assists students struggling in courses that have high withdraw/fail/drop rates.
In a survey conducted by the Pew Research Center, they report that roughly 72% of the people surveyed worry about a future where robots will replace human jobs, and most would not use automation technologies if presented the opportunity.

Revised: According to the Pew Research Center, roughly 72% of people surveyed worry about humans being replaced by robots in the future and would avoid automation if given the choice.
The acting company of Shakespearean performers did a performance of Twelfth Night on the thirteenth day of March.

Revised: Twelfth Night was performed on March 13.
The idea of statistics was a 17th century invention.

Revised: Statistics was invented in the 17th century.
The curriculum does show strength in that there are opportunities existent for prospective teachers to develop their writing skills explicitly.

Revised: The curriculum provides student teachers with opportunities to study writing specifically.
High-quality learning environments are a necessary precondition for facilitation and enhancement of the ongoing learning process.

Revised: Children need good schools.
There is a need in our town for a reevaluation of the water supply.

Revised: The town needs to reevaluate its water supply.
I want to start off the festivities tonight by discussing why we are here tonight and what we are trying to accomplish.

Revised: I want to start the festivities by discussing what we want to accomplish here tonight.
Because judgement is essentially based out of emotion, any decision to be made is done so through an emotionally cognitive response

Revised: Because all judgments have an emotional component, all decisions have an emotional component.
There must be confidence within the orator.

Revised: Orators need confidence.
And the Florida situation just enhances it even more.

Revised: The situation in Florida just enhances it.
The reason an inventory was taken was their suspicion of theft activities.

Revised: The took an inventory because the suspected theft.
At the time, I did not know my roommate and was going in completely blind.

Revised: My first college roommate and I were strangers when we moved in.
Although there are great reasons as to why technology integration in learning is encouraged, technology integration has just as many reasons as to why technology integration in learning should not take place and encouraged.

Revised: There are many reasons to use technology in the classroom and even more not to.
It is important to begin with stating the distinction between euthanasia and physician-assisted suicide.

Revised: It is important to begin by distinguishing euthanasia from physician-assisted suicide.
A lot of the time the main focus in choosing these practice is in the avoidance of pain.

Revised: Often this practice is chosen to avoid pain.
Liberal Arts is education in which allows citizens to learn the essential skills needed in everyday life.

Revised: The Liberal Arts teach essential life skills.
It means they have come to a clearer understanding of what they are trying to say.

Revised: They understand their subject better.
She is also a supporter of gender, LGBT, and transgender rights.

Revised: She supports gender and LGBT rights.
I don’t believe this to be true for a variety of reasons.

Revised: I disagree for several reasons
Originally, teachers would emphasize the prohibition of cellphone use within the classrooms and would confiscate any that are being used.

Revised: Originally, teachers prohibited cellphones and would confiscate any used by a student during class.
It is easier for some to think of cosmopolitan equality, whereas difficult for others.

Revised: Cosmopolitanism is more easily accepted by some people than others.
Taking the easy route to do an assignment is always preferred rather than making it complex and more difficult than it has to be.

Revised: I prefer to make things simpler rather than more complex.
I prefer simplicity over complexity.
The group was limited on options to help the turtle.

Revised: The group had few options to help the turtle.
Having to break down how to use the devices or explaining the lesson through the used technology at hand, teachers would have to deal with leading the entire class.

Revised: The time a teacher spends explaining how to us a technology is time not spent on teaching the subject.
One of the main cons of technology integration in the classroom is because cheating becomes easier via technology.

Revised: Technology in the classroom enables cheating.
His goal in Japan is to meet this half sister of his and simply talk to her and at the last tell her he has been thinking about her.

Revised: He wants to meet his Japanese half sister.
These patients' last days are spent in unnecessary agony.

Revised: These patients' last days are needlessly agonizing.
Non supporters of daycare will argue that their children's influential capacity is too vast to risk having a negative influence by a child at daycare.

Revised: People who disapprove of daycare think their children's futures are too important to trust to strangers. (?)
The U.S Census has had a total of 9 categories of races for people of color to identify with since the first Census was taken in 1790.

Revised: The U.S Census has had 9 categories for people of color since the first Census of 1790.
Escaping the influence of our own personal biases is a close to impossible task.

Revised: Escaping the influence of our biases is nearly impossible.
Should we be selling our products?

Revised: Should we sell our products?
There seems to be many distinctive features with the character traits of a rhetor.

Revised: Rhetors seem to have many character traits.

Sentence Editing Exercises