Articles Books Coherence Drafting Editing Editing (Practice) Organizing Organizing (Practice) Presenting Revising Writing Process
Check List

If the suggested word limit is 500, write 1000, revise it down to 500. Use the search function of your wordprocessor to look for

ion ian + of -- fix

There are / is -- fix

to be -- fix

infinitive verb forms -- fix

give, help, make, do -- fix

vague word -- fix

mixed metaphor -- fix

This is, It is -- fix

find misplaced modifiers -- fix

identify passive voice -- fix (if necessary)

check the transitions -- fix (if necessary)

read it out loud -- does that sound like you?

I have been direct, specific, succinct -- if not, I'm not finished)

Sentence-Level Revision

Revision = Draft - 10%.
Steven King, On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft.

Trout are a great eating fish.
Trout are tasty.

Introduction

Your goal as a communicator, regardless of medium, is to sound like a smart person talking to busy people. Be direct, specific, succinct. It's fine to wear makeup, rarely a mask.

If you want to improve your writing, read everything, and don't just read for content. Read for style and structure as well. What is the author saying? Why are they saying it like that? How many other ways might they have said it? What did they not say? What did they say without actually saying it? Great writers don't tell, they show.

Drafting, typing words as they occur to you, is often pretty easy, especially if you just put them down, hit submit, and walk away. Revising, making your words worth reading before you submit them is hard work. If you have an hour to write something, spend 20 mins drafting (getting ideas down, care less about spelling, punctuation, grammar, sentence structure. Just type.) and 20 minutes revising (elaborating incomplete ideas, providing examples, identifying and improving transitions, questioning assumptions, warranting claims) and then 20 minutes editing (making each sentence efficient and unambiguous, clear in other words). After the sixty minutes are up, spend a couple minutes making notes for the next writing session. Give yourself a day; then put in another hour. Five hundred words worth reading might take more than three hours to write/revise/edit. Seriously.

Hammer the words until they are thin enough to see through

Once you finish drafting and revising, once you are confident you've said what you want to say, then it's time to make each sentence as short and as tight and as clear as possible: no filler, no bullshit. In the process of editing you will likely discover your words aren't yet doing what you want them to do. You'll need more drafting and revising. And then more editing. Again. And again. Writing is harder than reading makes it look.

Clarity

"It is interesting to note that," or, "There are those occasions when" --
pompous indirections bred by the quest for an advanced degree.
Roy Peter Clark, Writing Tools.

  1. Put the words in the right order.
    1. The primary pattern for an English sentence is subject (the actor), verb (action), object (thing acted on), in that order.
      Example
      Original: Moving chunks around, building some up, cutting some back, deleting others entirely is what good writers spend most of their time doing.
      Revised : Good writers spend most of their time moving chunks around, building some up, cutting some back, deleting others.
      1. The subject comes first and should be concrete or at least specific.
        Can your readers quickly and clearly see what you are talking about?
        Don't start with "There is" or "There are" unless the existence of the subject is more important than the subject itself.
        Example
        Original: There are a number of different ways to gather data.
        Revised : Data can be gathered in different ways.
        Don't start with an adverbial phrase unless you must.
        Example
        Original: In their plans for houses, there are brick walls that are often reinforced with stainless steel by architects because of stainless steel's resistance to the effects of the weather.
        Revised : Architects often choose to reinforce brick with stainless steel because it resists corrosion.
        Example
        Original: Another reason to shoot is if the suspect is getting away and the officer believes they will be a danger to others.
        Revised : A police officer is justified in shooting a fleeing suspect if he or she believes the suspect is dangerous. [Can you delete "if he or she believes"?]
      2. Don't start with This or It or in any way requiring your reader to remember the previous subject.


Energy

  1. After the subject, the verb. Use main stem verbs instead of infinitive verb forms, gerunds, auxiliary verb phrases, or noun phrases.
    1. Consider changing infinitive verb forms to simple present (to win, to run)
      Example
      Original: There are a number of different ways to gather data.
      Revised : Data can be gathered in different ways. Notice also that "There are" is gone.
    2. Consider replacing the verb to be in all it's forms with a more precise verb.
      Example
      Original: Liberal Arts is education in which allows citizens to learn the essential skills needed in everyday life.
      Revised : The Liberal Arts teach essential life skills. [Is "life" an essential modifier here?]
      Example
      Original: Public attention has been called towards the protests that get violent or get denied.
      Revised : Violent protests attract public attention.
      Example
      Original: Effective speakers offer evidence to support the promises and assertions being made.
      Revised : Effective speakers support their promises and assertions with evidence.
      Example
      Original: The software is confusing.
      Revised : The software confuses me. [Notice how these similar sentences mean very different things.
    3. Consider replacing any "ing" verb forms with the main verb form, unless the action is ongoing.
    4. Consider replacing auxiliary verbs -- do, make, give, put, help -- with a main verb.
      Example
      Original: Something that every student has to do at least once a week is dedicating a day to do their laundry
      Revised : Students should launder their clothes weekly.
      Example
      Original: People should give law enforcement their full support.
      Revised : People should fully support law enforcement.
      Example
      Original: The fans continued to give their support toward Chris.
      Revised : The fans continued to support Chris.
      Or: The fans supported Chris.
      Example
      Original: We need to make a change in the way we handle new technology when we make a decision of its incorporation.
      Revised : We need to change the way we choose technological solutions. (?)
    5. Consider revising any sentences where the main verb has been turned into a noun phrase (aka, nominalization).
      Examples
      in acceptance of -- accept
      in all likelihood -- likely
      in all probability -- probably
      in agreement with -- agree
      in anticipation of -- anticipate
      in avoidance of -- avoid
      is of concern to -- concerns
  2. Pay attention to voice:
    1. Rely primarily on active voice, so your readers know who is doing what to whom.
      Example
      Original: Legal action initiated by the city of Atlanta earlier this year against companies which manufacture firearms is an important step..
      Revised : The City of Atlanta took an important first step when it sued firearms manufacture.
      Example
      Original: Teen shot dead by police as his car was driving away, chief says.
      Revised : Police fatally shoot a teenager who was trying to escape.
    2. Use passive voice to avoid responsibility, avoid attributing error or blame to someone else, or veil an unpleasant truth.
      Example
      Original: Don't accuse others of wrong doing or bad thinking when something goes wrong.
      Revised: It is wrong to make accusations of implicit bias whenever tragedy occurs.
    3. Also, use passive voice when convention expects it.
      Example
      Original: I placed the sample in a centrifuge.
      Revised : The sample was placed in a centrifuge.
  3. Place modifiers beside the element they modify.
    Example
    Original: You've earned more than a sick day.
    Revised : You've more than earned a sick day.
    Example
    Original: She ate a hot bowl of oatmeal.
    Revised : She ate a bowl of hot oatmeal.
    Or: She hotly ate a bowl of oatmeal. (?)
  4. Eliminate inessential modifiers.
    Example
    Original: He thought he was an athlete but in real life he was an accountant.
    Revised : He imagined he was an athlete, but he was an accountant. [The verb "to be" is synonymous with existence and if life isn't real, it isn't life; it's imaginary or delusional or digital.]
  5. The word "more" implies "more than something". If you see "more" and don't see "than . . . ," you have an incomplete comparison.
  6. Minimize the distance between subject and object.
    Long sentences (10 + words) are ok, but don't separate the subject from the verb by a distance greater than a person can hold in working memory. If a reader gets near the end of a sentence and thinks, "Wait, what now?", you've got a problem.
    Shorter is generally better, especially on the screen, but consider your subject, your audience, and your goal. If you are struggling with making sense, keep the sentences short (10 words or less). You can combine some of them later when your understanding improves.


Brevity

    When you revise, look for opportunities to cross out several words and insert one.
    Once a month is monthly; something new is novel;
    people they didn't know are strangers;
    and something impossible to imagine is inconceivable.
    Gary Provost, 100 Ways to Improve Your Writing.

  1. Don't use three words when one will do:
    Example
    Original: For example, if having recently been in a car accident in which an individual passed away, one may begin to believe driving is quite dangerous due to the perceived proclivity to be involved in car accidents, even if the individual in question is a safe, cognizant driver.
    Revised : Witnessing a fatal car accident will frighten even a cautious driver with a safe driving record.
    Example
    Original:The group's failure was the result of the way the chairman decided to submit his resignation.
    Revised : The group failed because the chairman resigned the way he did.
    Example
    Original: It is my belief that this product will work due to the technology already existing, and so no new R&D needs to be undertaken.
    Revised : The technology already exists.
    Example
    Original: Although there are great reasons as to why technology integration in learning is encouraged, technology integration has just as many reasons as to why technology integration in learning should not take place and encouraged.
    Revised : There are many reasons to use technology in the classroom and even more not to. [Notice starting with "There are" works in this case because the sentence is making an existential assertion and the writer didn't let the words proliferate.]
    1. Eliminate redundant expressions.
    2. Eliminate verbose expressions.
    3. Eliminate business jargon.
    4. Eliminate vague words.
    5. Eliminate clichés.
  2. Delete that
    Example
    Original: Don't use words that you can't define.
    Revised : Don't use words you can't define.


Diction

  1. Don't use words you can't define.
    But do use words you can't spell; get a thesaurus and a dictionary (don't substitute one word for another without comparing meanings in a dictionary. Go for precise rather than fancy.
  2. Use metaphors thoughtfully, to bridge the known to the unknown.
    1. Identify each metaphorical construction
      1. Question dead metaphors
        Example
        Original: Do you see what I mean?
        Revised : Do you understand?
      2. Revise mixed metaphors
        Example
        Original: Hammer on each sentence until you can eat it with spoon.
        Revised : Hammer on each sentence until you can see through it.
  3. Question words that have multiple meanings (love, patriot, burden, crazy).
    Look at each noun and ask yourself, "What kind of X is this X" If the answer isn't obvious you need to say more. Even if it is obvious to you, it may not be to your readers.)
  4. Specify, quantify: replace vague words -- very, some, few, thing, many, stuff, sort, big, good, small, bad, get, aspect, number, amount (etc.) -- with specific words or quantities. What kind of bad is this bad?


Organization

  1. Delete meta-discourse ("As explained earlier", "In the next section").
    You are not talking to yourself. You are talking to someone else. Imagine you are driving and the GPS said, "After we turn left at the next light we will go 3 miles and then make a right and then half a mile later another left"? Not just confusing, annoying. Information needs to arrive on time.
  2. Use transitions effectively -- firstly, secondly, finally, is too obvious and not meaningful. But why does paragraph two come second instead of third? Do you need a conclusion that signals it's the conclusion? What should go into an opening paragraph and why is Pullman asking this at the end of this section on arrangement?
  3. The order of each sentence in a paragraph matters. (More . . .). And thinking about the order can teach you about relationship among the ideas.
  4. In general, reduce the length of any completely drafted document by 10 - 30% without deleting any ideas.
  5. As with everything in life, caveats apply. Shorter isn't always better. Sometimes a shorter version is obscure or relies too much on context or reader foreknowledge to be fully meaningful. Sometimes you need the verb to be. Even so, spend at least a third of your time looking for ways to reduce word count. Sometimes trying to shorten a sentence will give insight that leads to an entirely different sentence, not necessarily shorter, just better. And better is always your goal.

Practice, practice, practice, and practice some more.