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Coherence: Don't Bury the Lead

What is the following passage about?

A newspaper is better than a magazine.
A seashore is a better place than the street.
At first it is better to run than to walk.
You may have to try several times.
It takes some skill but it’s easy to learn.
Even young children can enjoy it.
Once successful, complications are minimal.
Birds seldom get too close.
Rain, however, soaks in very fast.
Too many people doing the same thing can also cause problems.
One needs lots of room.
If there are no complications, it can be very peaceful.
A rock will serve as an anchor.
If things break loose from it, however, you will not get a second chance.

Let's read that against the grain

A newspaper is better than a magazine. [for what?]
A seashore is a better place [for what?] than the street. [why?]
At first it is better [in what sense?] to run than to walk. [why?]
You may have to try several times. [before what happens?]
It [what is it?] takes some [how much?] skill [what kind?] but it’s easy [define easy] to learn.
Even young children can enjoy it [what's it?].
Once successful [define?], complications [define?] are minimal.
Birds seldom get too close. [to what?]
Rain, however, soaks in [to what?] very fast. [why does rain matter?]
Too many people doing the same thing can also cause problems. [what kind of problems? for whom?]
One needs lots of room. [how much?]
If there are no complications, it [what's it?] can be very peaceful.
A rock will serve as an anchor. [for what]
If things [what things?] break loose from it, however, you will not get a second chance.

So, what is the paragraph about? If the title were, "Flying a Kite," Would you have understood right away? Probably. Nearly all of those questions are answered by inference if you know the key concept, kite flying.

Pinker, Steven (2014-09-30). The Sense of Style: The Thinking Person's Guide to Writing in the 21st Century (Kindle Locations 2459-2463). Penguin Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

What is this passage about?

The procedure is actually quite simple. First you arrange things into different groups depending on their makeup. Of course, one pile may be sufficient depending on how much there is to do. If you have to go somewhere else due to lack of facilities that is the next step, otherwise you are pretty well set. It is important not to overdo any particular endeavor. That is, it is better to do too few things at once than too many. In the short run this may not seem important, but complications from doing too many can easily arise. A mistake can be expensive as well. The manipulation of the appropriate mechanisms should be self-explanatory, and we need not dwell on it here. At first the whole procedure will seem complicated. Soon, however, it will become just another facet of life. It is difficult to foresee any end to the necessity for this task in the immediate future, but then one never can tell.(John Bransford and Marcia Johnson)

When did you realize the passage was about washing clothes? A heading would have helped. Or even just replacing the general phrase "The procedure" with the specific subject, "Washing clothes." Coherence is created by using specific language and answering the important questions in the order your readers will likely think to ask them. And yes, this screen buries the lead in the sense that you had to read three-quarters of it to find the message. I did that on purpose, an object lesson in how coherence is created. Most of the time I try hard not to burry the lead.

What is the headline for the following news story?

“Kenneth L. Peters, the principal of Beverly Hills High School, announced today that the faculty of the high school will travel to Sacramento on Thursday for a colloquium in new teaching methods. Speaking there will be anthropologist Margaret Mead and Robert Maynard Hutchins, the present of the University of Chicago.” (Nora Ephron, from Heath and Heath, Made to Stick)

Thursday's Classes Cancelled.

The moral of all three stories? Don't make your readers infer your meaning or enable multiple interpretations.

Work hard so your readers don't have to.

If you draft by just throwing down ideas as they occur to you, then you may have to spend some time sifting and sorting to figure out what's important and then some more time figuing out the order of importance from your readers' perspective. Sometimes, in other words, you have to tease out the lead.

Use Subject Headings

Giving each paragraph a subject heading as you draft will encourage you to identify the lead, for each paragraph and for the whole piece in the end. Headings may also help you remember what each paragraph is supposed to be about, help you focus. You may remove some of those headings in the end. But you might want to keep some of them to ensure your readers don't have to infer your meaning.